The last entry from St. Rafael Arnáiz's journal (Dios y mi alma / God and my soul):
"Sunday of the Resurrection, 17th of April, 1938.
Today the reverend Father Abbot has given me the cowl and the black scapular. I would lie if I said that today I have not let myself wear it from vanity. What a poor man am I!
Lord, Lord, have pity and mercy on me. I am not greater or lesser in your presence, because I would be here or there, seen in one way or another...We men are very infantile and we play like children...We place our illusion in things [that] make the angels laugh. Lord, give me your holy fear, fill my heart with your love and the rest...Vanitas vanitatum [Vanity of vanities].
Each time I hope less in men...what great mercy of God! He supplies with growth what they do not give me.
I am seeing with greater clarity that whoever places his eyes on the earth and in creatures, wastes his time...Only Jesus fills the heart and soul."
St. Rafael Arnáiz (Hermano Rafael) was born on April 9, 1911, in Burgos, Spain. After completing architectural studies, he became a postulant in the Trappist monastery of San Isidro de Dueñas. He progressed to the novitiate, but, after being forced to return home numerous times due to the severity of his diabetes, he ended his life as a conventual oblate, as the abbot did not deem his being a monk prudent due to his illness. He fell asleep in the Lord on April 26, 1938, in the abbey's infirmary, after a strong attack of diabetes.
St. Rafael Arnáiz, pray for us!
Nota Bene: The original text can be found at abandono. Information about St. Rafael's life comes from Wikipedia.